CHRONIC FATIGUE - FIBROMYALGIA - Dianne

I became a single parent of two children when I was 31 years old. I was lucky enough at the time to get an on job training in the graphic arts field. The only draw back was that it was the night shift. I had never worked nights beore, but the idea of the children having a baby-sitter when they were sleeping appealed to me. At the time, I felt guilty about the children not having two parents. I was bound and determined to be both mother and father for them, I became "super mom" . I was so worried about the needs of my children, I forgot about myself. I would get home at 6:30 a.m. and get the children up and off to school by 9 a.m. then I would sleep until they got home at 4 p.m.. I would make sure they got to all their activities and do the rest of the usual duties of a mom. This was our life for over 5 years. There were messy court case. But with working nights I didn't have the usual daytime stresses. I just did the work that was left for me. My job however was very physically stressful, I literally ran all night. My job entailed doing all the things that the day staff couldn't do during the day or didn't get finished... this included cleaning machines to camera work.

In 1985 I became sick with what I thought was a bad flu. After weeks of feeling totally drained and sick, I went to a doctor who thought I had mononucleosis. When she got the test results back, the test was negative. The doctor told me to go home and get some rest. Of course, I didn't because I had two children to support. I couldn't envision them going without so, I continued to work but never felt well. I had three major stresses in 1986, my brother's death and two court cases. I continued to go to work and care for the children but everything became more and more of an effort. I developed very bad migraine headaches that lasted 3 days, I was still struggling to work but I was slowing down substantially. My boss was wondering why I wasn't finishing my work at night. Then one morning I woke up and my right foot was numb and I had a bad headache. I thought it was time to go to a chiropractor- so off I went. When he adjusted my neck I almost fainted from the pain. I managed to drive home and went to bed. By night time my right side of my body was numb and I couldn't walk without falling down. My girlfriend drove me to the hospital and I was there till 6 a.m. The doctor wanted me to stay and see the neurologist in the morning but I had to get home because my live-in baby sitter was going to work at 7 and my children would be alone. I went home and went to bed. This is where I stayed for months. Our lives changed dramatically. The children were 11 & 13 at the time and we all muddled through. I still had hopes of going back to work and was searching the reason for my symptoms. I had a list of approximately 50 symptoms, the most incapacitating being the severe fatigue, headaches, right sided numbness and severe cognitive problems.

I had major surgery within a few months and instead of getting better I became worse. I was diagnosed in 1987 with Chronic Fatigue Syndrome and I went on long term disability. I struggled to find the reason for my symptoms but after 2 years I finally resinged myself to the fact that although my life had changed drastically, I still had a life, such as it was. My insurance company sent me to a psychiatrist to see if my illness was physically or mentally induced. The psychiatrist said it was definitely physical but because I was mildy depressed over being so ill, she tried me on an anti-depressant. This started a 7 year battle of my life. I tried to kill myself 6 times and was in and out of psychiatric wards many times in that 7 years, sometimes for months. I also had approximately 50 electro-shock treatments. I really don't remember much of those years, except I was on so many medications that my sister had to help me fill my medicine container because I was not able to. It all seems like a bad dream now. My children used to describe me as having no emotions. They were right, I couldn't feel anything due to all the drugs I was on. After I was started on a new anti-depressant in 1995, I gained 100 lbs. Over a 3 year period. I was very upset about my weight gain as I had been slim all my life. I went off all my anti-depressants in 1998 after an accidental overdose. I couldn't believe how much better I felt mentally. This was the start of my road to recovery. I have found out recently from a doctor, that for some people, anti-depressants make them more depressed.

I couldn't believe my ears, I was so angry, I wanted to sue all the doctors and psychiatrists that were involved in my care over those years. I felt cheated out of all those years with my children. I decided that I was going to try and go off all medications and go as natural as possible. This was hard as I still struggled with migraine headaches, high blood pressure, severe dizziness, painful joints and a lot of aches and pains as well as not being able to sleep. Then one day in February, I heard someone call my name. It was my cousin Mary Jean. She invited me for coffee and told me about therapeutic Touch. Because I was the CFS/FMS support group leader, I invited her to speak at one of the meetings. She offered me 3 treatments so I could tell in my own words how I felt and what I thought of the therapy. I was so excited! My first treatment with Mary Jean, she asked me to name 5 goals that I wanted to accomplish. I said to sleep better and not to feel so tired: To get rid of the pain; To get ride of my migraine headaches; To get rid of my episodes of depression.

After the second treatment I felt something that I hadn't felt in 14 years. I couldn't put a finger on it, but I knew it was something wonderful. By the third treatment I knew what it was, it was the feeling of total rest after a good nights sleep. It only lasted about 2 minutes but I knew it was a start. Mary Jean also said something to me at the first treatment that I will never forget. She said that I had the power to heal myself. I felt I had lost all my power when I first became sick. I knew then that I was in control again and that I would have to work really hard to get well. Almost immediately I noticed my moods levelled out and my depression lifted. I slept better and I had no headaches, even my pain level went down significantly. After 3 months, I slept well every night and I felt rested in the morning. My energy level went from about 40% to 100% in less than 6 months. I have no pain now, except for the usual strains from "overdoing it" (like putting up drywall). Even my blood pressure has started to go down. It's been high since I was 21 years old. I've gone from 40 mg. Of my medication plus a diuretic to no diuretic and half of my medication. People tease me now and say "You know Dianne, you don't have to make up for the last 14 years in two weeks". I always say "But I feel so good and it's so nice to be able to do the things I've wanted to do for 14 years". So who can argue with that?

Mary Jean also recommended a book called "The Power Within You" by Louise Hay. From this book I'm learning to love and care for myself emotionally, physically and spiritually. My friends are amazed at the new me. The ones that knew me before I got sick are very impressed. People are always coming up to me now and saying how well I look. I would like to tell the whole world what has happened to me, but I know unless you want to know, your are not able to hear. So, to those who ask I say "I go to Mary Jean Pentland for Therapeutic Touch" and if they want to know more, I tell them. To all the rest, I let them see for themselves. I know this is going to sound sappy, but if it wasn't for meeting Mary Jean that day last February, I wouldn't be where I am today. She not only gave me hope, she helped give me my health and my life back and I thank her for that.

"Dianne"